Just as well that I announced last time that I will blog less frequently - I wouldn't have had the strength to write this post sooner anyway. I'm not sure I'm ready for it now.
A couple of days after my last post I received the devastating news from my father back in Hungary that my mother had had a massive stroke. The doctors didn't give him any hope that she would survive. She died three days later never having regained consciousness. It came out of the blue - she was in generally good health, but she did have high blood pressure and had stopped taking her medication because of the side effects. I spoke to the whole family over Zoom on Christmas Eve and she seemed fine. They even went on a nature trail during the holidays and there were no warning signs. She was 75 years old. Her mother died of a stroke at around the same age as well, as did my other grandmother, so I'm probably genetically predisposed myself.
A few days later I ended up in A&E too with very high blood pressure, literally off the charts - no doubt caused by the stress. I wasn't unwell just very panicky so the out-of-hours GP sent me in at 2 am. I'm on medication now and my BP has come down but it's still higher than normal. Because of this ongoing health concern on top of the escalating Covid situation on the Continent, I can't go back for the funeral. I'll see my family some time in the Spring/Summer instead, when hopefully things will have normalised.
Here's a photo of me with my mum in summer 1988 - ready for my first day at work. She worked in the same business park, so we caught the bus together. I remember that day as if it was yesterday.
While all this was going on, I still kept making art and posting on Instagram - frankly, that's what kept me going. I didn't make any public announcements, just carried on as normal. I don't like drama and attention - keeping busy and pretending everything is ok is my coping mechanism.
I did snap a photo of my desk on Monday - after all, it's WOYWW.
Here's a digest of some of the art I made for the January challenges on Instagram...
- a series I'm doing on corrugated cardboard for the #happyyouin22 challenge:
- a couple of journal pages for the #creativeunfold2022 challenge:
- and this page inspired by Laly Mille's WOTY (Word of the Year) lesson for #artjournalwithlaly:
Originally, my word was 'freedom' because I want to achieve a level of artistic freedom - and I added 'brave' as a sub-word in light of what had happened. Life goes on for those of us left behind.
Hope you're all well. Please take good care of yourselves xx
Oh Zsuzsa I am so sorry to hear of your loss. It must be so much harder for you to deal with with you being here and your family so far away. I hope your father has family around him.
ReplyDeleteThe fact that you ended up in hospital with high BP must be a worry also but you need to try to put it from your mind and reduce the stress there a little. My other half had high BP and it was worrying but medication and less caffeine helped but only this week it has gone high again so back on the tablets. Do take care, please.
Once again you have brightened the day with your crafting. More of your delicious pages to enchant us with. I wish I could create such beautiful collages as you do - you are a very talented crafter.
Do take care and stay in touch so we know how you are.
Gentle hugs on their way to you
Neet 6 xx
So sad to hear that your mother has passed away. And so quickly and unexpectedly. We all hope that this misery with Corona will soon be a thing of the past.
ReplyDeleteAnd then you get to meet your family again. But what luck that ZOOM exists! :)
You have created many beautiful things.
Hug and have a good time!
Sussie in Sweden
Crafting helps when your hands are busy, they help with a heart that’s full of sorrow. I’m so very very sorry to hear your news, even though we know these things are inevitable, it’s still an awful shock when they do happen and very sad when you can’t get back for the funeral either. No wonder your BP has gone crazy, I hope the meds help bring it down quickly….you take care, gorgeous gal and know that we are all with you at this saddest of times ❤️
ReplyDeleteHugs LLJ 11 xxxx
Zsuzsa , I am so sorry to hear of your loss, to come out of the blue like that is dreadful . I'm sorry you've not been well either, it's hardly surprising. How sad that uou won't be able to go to the fu real though. Big hugs to you glad you're able to craft - it would help me too xx lots of love Helen #4
ReplyDeleteAfternoon Zsuzsa. I am so sorry to hear of your mum's sudden death - and the sad fact that you are unable to travel home for her funeral. That's hard.
ReplyDeleteI do hope that doing some artwork has helped as you mourn your loss. Trust your BP soon comes down - not surprised it went sky high - you had a huge shock.
Take care. God bless.
Margaret #7
Oh bless you. I’m so very sorry to hear about your mum. I really hope your blood pressure settles down soon too...you don’t need that at the moment. Sending you much love.
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Annie x #9
Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry for your loss. Your post is beautiful and will hopefully have eased a tiny bit of the pain you will be feeling right now. Your mum sounds like a beautiful person and you are a credit to her. Your artwork continues to amaze me even at this time of sadness and I'm so glad it is helping sooth your soul. Thank you for sharing your heart may you be blessed richly. God Bless BJ#15
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for your loss, made even worse by the current situation. Grieving is different for many people and there is no right or wrong way to do it. Sending love. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. God Bless Angela #2
ReplyDeleteOh Zsuzsa, such sad news and such a shock too. especially sad that you will be unable to go to the funeral. You and your mum look so alike in the photo. So glad that your artwork has been a little comfort. Hope the medication helps with the blood pressure - the stress won't have helped I know. Hugs. Sarah #5
ReplyDeleteI love the photo of you and your mom...what a beautiful treasure. I extended my deepest Sympathy to you, it's hard. Your art pieces are beautiful, may you be inspired and blessed to carry on with all that's happening. Take care of YOU too. Hope winter is not to confining. Here -20 and high winds so not the best. #25 Have a happy week.
ReplyDeleteZsuzsa, I'm so sorry for your loss. Losing your mother is truly a devastating event, I just hope you are allowing yourself to grieve. When my dad passed (same reason) I threw myself into a video game called Tomb Raider for months. I totally don't remember anything that happened during those first few months except Vienna, which is where the game took place. You have thrown yourself into art, making beautiful pages that will remind you, when you look back, at the grieving you went through when your Mom passed. Your desk is totally wonderful, all the paint, the accoutrements of your art, I love it. As for the old gelli plate, it's going in the bin.
ReplyDeleteMittsy has her yearly check up in March. Guess what they always say? "she's a bit over weight, you know...maybe you should put her on a diet..."! Well, yes she is! Just wait until Spring! The same thing happens again in April when Inky goes in! Hopefully Oreo will be able to work off his extra pounds in the spring and summer too! Thanks for your visit, I follow you on Instagram and you always impress! Lindart #27
Zsuzsa, I m so sorry to hear of your Mum. I love the photo of you with her. It’s terrible that you’re prevented from attending the funeral, but it seems wise not to travel. Is there anyone who could Zoom the funeral to you?
ReplyDeleteI hope your health recovers soon. Take great care of yourself, my dear
Big hugs
Lynnecrafts 12
Hi Zsuzsa, so sorry to hear about your mum but I think you are doing the right thing to keep busy. The photo of you and your mother is beautiful. I understand that you wish you could be there for the funeral but you are doing the right thing in not going and I'm sure your father will understand. You need to consider your own health too and I know your mother would say the same. Take care and craft on my friend. Hugs, Angela x16x
ReplyDeleteDear Zsuzsa So very sorry to hear about your mum. I know how hard it is to lose a parent, but especially feel for you since you are not able to be there in person to mourn her. You are brave, you are strong, and doing art really does help us through hard times. Sending lots of love my friend xo
ReplyDeleteHi Zsuzsa, how very sorry I am to read your sad news, made so much worse by not being able to be with your family. I hope your Dad has lots of support as you can't be there. I love the photo of you and your mum, you look very alike. I hope your blood pressure is soon under control, it's hardly surprising it to a bit of a leap. Keep making your beautiful art, I am so glad it is giving you some comfort.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you and sending you the warmest of hugs,
Diana xx #18
Thinking of you this morning and praying for you and you family x
ReplyDeleteMy condolence dear, it is sad to loose a loved one. Concerning your health, try to google Anthony William, it would be worth it. I am following you and you inspire me always. Thanks for being here.
ReplyDeleteLove Mariane
Zsuzsa, I am devastated for you to hear this news, knowing what a massive impact the loss of your mother will be. On top of that you have your own health issues (now and long-term) to consider, so you'll be unable to go back there right now. I am sending you so many virtual hugs that you're inundated with the energy of them...wishing you all the best as you navigate this new part of your life. Much love, Win
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for your loss and the fact that you are so far away from your family but your artwork is brilliant and it will keep you strong and in a safe place until you meet them later this year. Keep on crafting Happy WOYWW!? #((Lyn))
ReplyDeleteOh Zsuzsa - I am so sorry to read about your mum! I send sincere condolences. Thinking of you at this very sad time and hope that you are not still suffering from the blood pressure problem.
ReplyDeleteOn a lighter note I love your crafted pages...
Oh Zsuzsa, I am so sorry to read about your loss. I hope the wonderful memories of her will help you to cope with her absence, and I hope that your father has family and/or good friends nearby who will help him in those difficult moments. I send you many hugs to you and your father!
ReplyDeleteYou art is beautiful as always, your mom will certainly have wanted you to go on with it too. Many hugs again!
So sorry for your loss. Look afte ryourself and be gentle and cry lots.
ReplyDeleteMy dear friend (((Zsuzsa))) I'm so so sorry to read about the unexpected passing of your Mother, your Father will understand why you can not be there in body but you will be in spirit. Your own health is important now and when the world is safer you can go back to visit and reflect on memories of those good times. Continue to make beautiful art and don't feel guilty if you do not share a thing.. Thinking of you, take good care of yourself.
ReplyDeleteHugs Tracey xx
What a shock Zsuzsa, it’s no wonder that you’ve been suffering through the stress. I feel deeply for you and your family at the loss of your mother, I think not being able to get back to your father is just so difficult to get your head around. You have a secondary support network here on WOYWW, please accept our hugs and love and reach out whenever you need a lift…reach out. And as everyone else will say, your art and tinkering about at your desk will be such a help in ‘processing’. I love that you’ve added ‘brave’ to your WOTY plan…it takes brave to admit, accept and let life go on.
ReplyDeleteI am so sad to hear this news. I missed out on last week so wasn't able to let you know till now. I am feeling your sorrow, as my parents are both in their mid-80s and I am terrified something will happen, suddenly, and I will be unable to get home to either see them or attend a funeral. As fragile as my health is in terms of Covid susceptibility it would be devastating to think I have already seen them for the last time. I feel your pain in this, I really do. And send you all the care and comfort possible.
ReplyDeleteMary Anne