Hi everyone, I'm just checking in with another status update for WOYWW because I said I would blog once a month and #670 seems as good an excuse as any. So here goes.
Not much has changed since my last update, actually. I'm still struggling with anxiety induced insomnia and I'm pretty much left to my own devices to deal with it. The NHS is about as useful these days as a chocolate teapot. I resorted to referring myself to mental health services but I haven't heard anything back for several weeks and now I don't even expect to. I took matters into my own hands. Having done some research myself, at least I know what's going on. It's not sorcery, it's just how our minds work. I think my mother's sudden death set off a chain reaction in me, where my whole belief system turned upside down and resulted in me developing a severe case of health anxiety - not just for myself, but everybody else around me. This put me in a constant fight or flight mode, always expecting something bad to happen and I'm on edge all the time with my nerves highly sensitised. This is what stops me from sleeping. I'm telling my brain that I'm in danger so it doesn't allow me to relax my body and sleep - as soon as I drop off, my brain jolts me back to an alert state. If I get 4/5 hours sleep out of sheer exhaustion, I call that a good night - sometimes I only get 2/3 hours and there were nights I couldn't sleep at all. It's a wonder I can still hold down my job and family responsibilities. I feel like I'm really drawing on my last reserves. But you know what, if I did this to myself, I can undo it. So I'm working on that at the moment, basically giving myself CBT with the help of YouTube! Silver lining, I've lost a ton of weight, so yay me!
So that's my health update, now onto my work desk. Not a whole lot going on in the past few weeks by my usual standards. I still managed to keep up with my 100-day project adding a layer a day to make 10 pages in 100 days, hence my hashtag 10X10layers. Admittedly, sometimes I do all 10 layers in one go, but no one cares. I know it's a bit of an under-commitment, but I didn't want to be a slave to this project and this gives me an opportunity to do other things as well.
So here are the finished pages 2-5 in my 100-day journal:
I've also completed some new pages in my altered book (the last photo should qualify as a snap shot of my desk as well!):
So there you have it - a quick update!
Hope you can all sleep better than I do!
I'll be around soon! xx
So sorry to hear about your health problems. Wish I could help but all I can say is that let your art help you. Years ago when I was in a bad place and holding down a demanding teaching job I started cake icing. I would stay up into the wee small hours making things (I remember making butterflies in particular) and eventually it helped. I lost myself in the making process and during that time had respite from all that was going on around me. I know it is not the same but I am sure your art will help.
ReplyDeleteYour pages, as always are a delight to see. I am a big fan.
Hugs, Neet 3 xx
Hello Zsuzsa, I'm so sorry your struggling... it's hard losing those we love suddenly. For me my art and creating are what gets me through, losing myself for a while lets my head switch off from everything else. Please know you will fet through this, you're not alone. Loving all your pages, especially the one about the rainbow. Sending love, light and gentle hugs Tracy #15 xxx
ReplyDeleteGreat journal pages, I am so sorry you are struggling at the moment and glad you are reading about it. Knowing what the problem is really helps I think. I keep hearing on the news how rich the U.K. is. Meanwhile you can’t get hospital appointments or dentist appointments. My son asked for an emergency dentist appointment and still has to wait a week. After 2 lots of antibiotics he is still in pain. Sending you love and hugs and praying for you too. Angela #5
ReplyDeleteHi Zsuzsa it's great to see you around again. I always love to see your art work. I don't want to go into details about how I feel about the NHS but the annoying thing that really gets me is the money this government waste and say it's peanuts and then talk about money that's needed for the NHS as though they are wanting the earth. Sending hugs, Angela x14x
ReplyDeleteOh Zsuzsa I’m so sorry to hear how you’re struggling and really wish I could help. I love the pages you’ve been working on and am certainly crafting is good therapy. I really do hope your situation eases soon for you.
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Annie x #9
Hello dear one. As usual ;) Your art is amazing. May I suggest you check out Anthony William on google? - He gives good advice of many things among the sleep "thingy" I am about to make some art again - feeling better and better.. Hugs from Copenhagen
ReplyDeleteOh Zsuzsa I'm so sorry to hear you are having such a tough time, I really wish I could help. I hope you find some peace and comfort from your art, I find it invaluable in helping me get through the low points in my life. Sadly the NHS is woefully inadequate in offering anything in the way of therapies and counselling but it sounds like you are taking control with your 'DIY' CBT and I really hope it works for you.
ReplyDeleteTake care, I'm sending virtual hugs to you,
Diana xx I forgot to say I just adore your pages!
It's always good to hear from you but I am truly sorry to hear you are struggling so much and that you can't get any professional help, but i hope your DIY remedy works. The NHS was so stretched even before Covid, let alone now, I am not surprised you haven't got help though. Loving the crafting and glad you are still able to enjoy that at least, long may it help you! Much love. take care. Helen #1
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry that you are struggling and so sorry you are having to help yourself so much. Glad you have art to help you in some way although I know that it's not easy to create when you have these bigger challenges. Cheering you from here with virtual hugs xo
ReplyDeleteHi Zsuzsa, I am so sorry to read about your struggling... It seems to be everywhere the same: professional help is difficult or impossible to get at the moment, so you did the right thing: react by yourself. I hope the situation will improve progressively soon.
ReplyDeleteYour art is beautiful as always, I especially love the butterfly and shell... I send you much love and sunshine!
So sorry that your anxiety and insomnia aren't improving Zsuzsa - I hope the CBT works for you. Fabulous pages as always - I like the idea of 10 layers in 10 days rather than trying a page a day. Stay safe and Happy WOYWW. Sarah #4
ReplyDeleteI hope you slept better last night x Angela
ReplyDeleteHi Zsuzsa, so sorry to hear about your health problems. I really recommend paying for a good therapist. I had to, too, after my mother died. In the meantime, try Buddify, a phone app for about £5. Well worth it.
ReplyDeleteYour journal pages are beautiful. I particularly like the one with the ammonite.
Sending big hugs
Lynnecrafts 2
I'm glad to see your status update, Zsuzsa, but sorry to hear that you are experiencing such aftereffects from your mom's death. Trauma is very difficult to deal with, and I'm with Lynnecrafts above - a therapist is a godsend if you can find a good one. Sending you warm wishes for a speedy easing of your sleeplessness and anxiety. xo
ReplyDeleteJust stopping by to let you know you are in my thoughts and prayers x. Easter Blessings x Angela
ReplyDeleteJust to let you know I have been thinking about you and saying a few prayers. NI do hope you are seeing some improvement. We have been busy packing for out holiday, I am taking as much craft stuff as I possibly can x
ReplyDeleteThat’s ever so kind of you Angela! Thank you so much! I’ll visit soon! Hope you’re enjoying your holiday ! xx
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